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Bernard M -- Taipei English Tutor

Bernard M - English Conversation / TOEFL / IELTS 一對一英文會話

Monday, November 3, 2008

TOEFL Essay

The uncorrected TOEFL essay below is by one of my students, Luisito. It is one of the better TOEFL essays I have read so far during this TOEFL season. Although there are other minor mistakes, I would just like to point out some more serious problems with the third paragraph. Click on the third paragraph to see my comments.

A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory? Explain your position


If a large company is going to build a factory in my hometown, it will surely brings about positive as well as negative impacts on my hometown. While some people may oppose the idea of building a factory in their hometown, I still would like the company to open a new factory even though the factory may lead to some disadvantages.

First of all, I think the factory will absolutely contributes to the growth of the economy in my hometown. The factory can create many positions for local residents, thus alleviating the unemployment in my hometown. On top of that, the new factory may also lead to an influx of people who look for positions in the factory. In this way, the demand for housing will be raised, and local residents can make profits by renting their house to these people. Besides, as more and more people come into my hometown, other business activities will also be more prosperous. For instance, a giant shopping mall may be opened to live up to the demand of consumption.

It is an undeniable fact that the factory may lead to many problem such as environmental pollution. Besides, the crime rate may also become higher due to the increased population in the area. However, I think these problems can be easily tackled with as long as the company and the local government cooperates. For instance, the authorities concerned should come up with a regulation to prevent the excessive air pollution emitted by the factory. The company should also invest a huge amount of money to reduce its pollution. Besides, the government can hire more police officers to lower the crime rate. This approach may also create more job vacancies simultaneously.

To put it in a nutshell, I would like the company to open a new factory in my hometown. Even though the factory may cause environmental and social problems for my hometown, the economic benefits can outweigh these negative impacts. Besides, I also think it is possible to solve the problems mentioned above with the efforts paid by the company and the local government. As a result, I hold positive views towards the effects resulted from this new factory.

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